Missing Anto …

Discounting anger, it’s long since I was emotional to this extent… Least did I expect this to happen. After 3 weeks of vacationing with our parents, I had to leave, my family, for work, back to Japan. After a long … long time, my eyes welled up, I was reluctant to leave.

Things only got bad when we reached the Madurai airport, being a domestic one, security used to be a bit relaxed, not anymore. Normally the procedure to board a flight in Madurai is

“ You Check-in→ Clear the Security screening → boarding”

You enter the airport to Check-in, after which you would be allowed to come out of the airport to talk to your folks who usually wait outside till such time your flight takes off. So, usually I come out after checking-in, talk to them, and bid good-bye before proceeding with the security. So, this time, I left some hand-baggage with them, hoping to collect them after my check-in.

But, after check-in, this (merciless) military policeman, guarding the airport entry, for in-explicable reasons, did not allow me to go out of the airport, to meet my parents. I was upset, as I could not bid good-bye to my family members. Shanthi’s parents had come down from Trichy just to see me off. Some how, while all these things were happening, for a moment, I thought that I would be missing Anto, very much. Shanthi was standing on the other side of the gate with Anto, and me inside the Airport. Cursing those terrorists who are the reason for this “high security”, I was still hoping to find my way out.

Madurai is a small town, hmmm…, not so small though, but small. But, somehow, I knew many people who work in the Airport. Talking to a few of them, I completed some procedures to get out of the airport, talk to my family members, and bid them good-bye.

But, after the incident with the security personnel, and the subsequent emotional flash, of missing Anto, I felt like I am going to miss, Anto very much. This thought did not strike me when we were arrived at the strategy of a month each in Madurai and Tiruchy. Shanthi and I had decided that Anto together with Shanthi will stay back for a month each with my parents and in-laws, hoping that he would get used to my parents, in-laws, traffic, noise, dust, mosquito, food, etc …

The emotional feeling would only grow stronger and stronger when Anto was enjoying innocently, watching the cars passing by, and making inviting gestures at the other kids. For a moment, I thought, he was ignoring me. Silly me! The gravity of the situation took to me.

Actually, many of our close family friends did warn me about this “missing phase”, which I could not visualize when Anto was always with me. A transit time of 18 hours in Kualalumpur helped me with the introspection. From the time he joined me in mid 2008, I had less time for him, as I was always busy, with my career, Japanese language, sports, photography, etc. I did not spend much time with him, to the point that, when I spent 3 hours with him in the absence of Shanthi, I wrote a blog. I loved him; somehow, I did not find time for him, with him. But, the past 3 weeks, without my own knowledge, I spent 3 weeks with him, all time, all day long. And, probably, he got closer to me than ever before. I had always loved him, so much… but never imagined that I will miss him, if he is away from me, for his much needed education. I don’t know, if he is missing me.

During the course of writing this post, I was wondering, if I could cut short their stay in India, may be, 15 days each or something. Looking loo…ong down, one thing is for sure, I need to get used to living away from him. He may go to a college is another town, find work in a far away country, marry and go away … But …now, its … hard, for me.

I am just wondering, how much my parents would have missed me, when I left them for work, to Chennai, to Bangalore, then to Japan, when I got married, … , I wish they did not miss me ;-) but … for now,

I MISS YOU, MY SON ANTO